I have been hesitant to talk about DS’s issues on my blog. But I feel it is time to at least touch on some of what I live through on a daily basis.
We joyfully adopted my son from Ukraine when he was 15 months old. He has been a challenge from the start. At first I thought my troubles with him were concerning me being a new mom: completely clueless about how to take care of a child 24/7 and he was a toddler (not an infant) who was “on the go” and into everything! My world was rocked to say the least and I didn’t know how to cope with it. Put on top of learning how to be a parent, my father had been recentlly diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis, my father also had to undergo brain surgery to relieve a blood clot on his brain caused by a fall, my only remaining grandparent passed away at 99 years old, and my husband was caught in the middle of church conflict…leaving me feeling very much alone and not getting much help from family. In fact, when I attempted to talk to family about what was going on with my DS I was casually told that “things will get better”, “boys will be boys”, and “hang in there and enjoy being a parent.” Nice statements, yes, but the real problem was overlooked.
My son was adopted in August 2002 (not even a full year after 9/11) and by November 2002 my sister approached me and asked me to get help. You see, I was rapidilly falling into depression and had even considered suicide. When no one is helping and you feel helpless, alone, and overlooked, horrible things can happen. I am grateful for the conversation my sister MADE me have with her that day. I sought help from doctors and the LORD…medication and scripture is what pulled me out of the pit so I could see clearly. And I mean clearly. I literally felt a fog be removed so I could really see situations as they were.
Once I had taken care of myself I could focus on “Buddy”. The problem wasn’t my lack of parenting skills…it was him. It took a few years to finally realize that I need professional help for my son. The summer just before his kindergarten year, 2006, I took him to his well-check and practically begged our doctor to help me “fix him.” She sent us to a child psycholgist who also referred us to occupational therapy. My son was diagnosed at the time with Sensory Integration Disfunction with Obsessive Compulsive tendencies. In a nutshell, he couldn’t process the world around him and attempted to control the world (everything in it including people) to try to cope with how he was feeling. Initially therapy worked and we were able to cut back on weekly visits.
This year my son has reached a new level in his behaviors. He is now 7 and his anxieties overtake almost everything he does. He is volatile on the the worst days and verbally combative on the best days. Transitioning into 2nd Grade was a nightmare. For about 3 months, every day, we (all 4 family members) experienced the following: screaming, him throwing things at us, total disrespect to ANY rules, hitting, punching, kicking, biting, trying to push us down the stairs, locking his sisters in the closet, purposely breaking things that were not his, and the list can go on. Needless to say we began to seek medication to help him calm down so we can help him cope in positive ways.
We are now on the 3rd round of medication modification. His diagnosis is currently OCD and symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (we feel this is caused from early life in Ukraine and the MAJOR life change due to his adoption stemming from his OCD present at an early age)….I fear that there may be more to come in the future. For I have seen the following new symptoms this month: purposely hurting someone and laughing at them, ignoring us (the parents) when we try to talk to him about his behavior, stealing items and hiding them, and increased lying…the extreme defensiveness and screaming has continued. On a positive note, he is able to voice what is making him feel “off”…he able to talk to us about him. He is also calmer and we can get him to at least make eye contact with us now. I can honestly tell you that it breaks my heart to see him struggle this way and not be able to help him. I love him and want to help, but he is in denial about what he is going through and usually won’t accept help.
My DS is VERY smart. At 5 years old his IQ was 113 – and that was without completing the exam. His anxieties over being timed caused him to quit because he was afraid to fail. Normal IQ for an average adult is 100. We are going to redo his IQ testing in the near future. I expect to see increased numbers. DS has recently been caught “playing” his teachers against us (his parents). He is smart enough to know how to fool us into believing his OCD is preventing him from doing homework….well, because of recent events, the jig is up! We are “on to” him. It is tough to be 3 or 4 steps ahead of him…and we have to be or he winds up ruling the home.
So there you go. My story of my son. I left out a lot of emotional stuff on my part becuase it’s hard to talk about. It’s easier to just state the facts. This is why I am going through therapy myself to learn how to deal with my emotions over my DS and how to deal with my son without it totally effecting me! I will probably post more about him and how we are handling things. There are a lot of misconceptions out there about how to help kids and families like this. I hope to share a little insight on what really goes on in the home and how the entire family is effected by special needs children in the home.
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We received a letter from China last week! It was a letter from DD#1 foster sister! How exciting! Sweet Pea was excited too.
Musings of a Christian Mom 